The Ultimate Narcissistic Abuse Glossary

Welcome to our Narcissistic Abuse Glossary—an essential guide to understanding the language and tactics often used in narcissistic relationships. Whether you’re trying to make sense of a confusing relationship dynamic or seeking terms that describe what you’ve experienced, this glossary offers clear, actionable definitions. Each entry sheds light on manipulation tactics and offers tips to protect your boundaries and foster healing. Knowledge is power, and this glossary is here to empower you on your journey toward reclaiming your time, respect, and dignity.

Have you ever found yourself questioning your own reality, wondering if your emotions are justified or if the person you’re dealing with might be more than just “difficult”? If so, you’re not alone. Narcissistic abuse is a complex, often hidden form of manipulation that can make even the most grounded individuals doubt their perceptions, worth, and sense of self. One of the best ways to break free from the confusion and gain clarity is through knowledge. Understanding the language, tactics, and dynamics involved is a powerful step toward reclaiming your power and protecting your peace.

That’s why we created this comprehensive Narcissism Glossary—an essential guide to decoding the behaviors and strategies used in narcissistic relationships. This glossary isn’t just about words; it’s about empowerment, giving you the language you need to make sense of your experiences and take meaningful steps toward healing.

Glossary of Narcissistic Abuse Terms

A

Abuse Cycle
The repeated phases in abusive relationships: tension, an abusive incident, reconciliation, and calm. This cycle traps victims in a loop of hope and despair, making it challenging to leave.

Active Listening
An essential skill where a person listens with full concentration and empathy. Narcissists lack this, focusing only on conversations that center on them, leaving others feeling unseen.

Antagonistic Narcissism
A subtype of narcissism marked by overt aggression, competition, and hostility. These narcissists often elevate themselves by ridiculing others.

B

Baiting
A manipulation tactic used to provoke an emotional reaction. After provoking, the narcissist feigns surprise at the victim's reaction, using it as “proof” of the victim’s supposed instability.

Boundary Testing
The narcissist’s method of violating personal boundaries to gauge how much they can manipulate someone. With time, it erodes a victim’s sense of self, making them easier to control.

Breadcrumbing
Offering minimal, intermittent signals of interest without commitment. Narcissists use this to keep others attached, giving just enough to prevent escape.

Blame Shifting
An evasion technique where the narcissist avoids accountability by shifting blame onto the victim, making them feel guilty and confused.

C

Cognitive Dissonance
The psychological discomfort that arises when one’s perceptions clash with reality. Narcissists create this confusion by blending charm with cruelty, destabilizing the victim’s sense of truth.

Codependency
A dynamic where a person places others’ needs above their own, sacrificing their self-worth. Narcissists exploit this, keeping codependents dependent and controlled.

Compassion Fatigue
Emotional exhaustion from consistently giving empathy to a narcissist who reciprocates little, leading to burnout.

Covert Narcissist
A narcissist who appears shy or vulnerable but subtly manipulates through guilt-tripping and passive-aggressiveness, making their tactics harder to detect.

Counter-Parenting
In co-parenting situations, where one parent (usually the narcissist) actively works against the other’s efforts to maintain control, often using the child as a pawn.

D

Devaluation
A phase in the abuse cycle where the narcissist belittles the victim after initially idealizing them, eroding the victim’s self-confidence.

Discard
An abrupt withdrawal of affection, leaving the victim feeling abandoned. This often follows the devaluation phase and signals the narcissist is ready for new “supply.”

Dog Whistling
Using subtle, coded language to insult or demean, making the victim feel isolated without anyone else noticing the insult.

DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)
A manipulation tactic where the narcissist denies their behavior, attacks the accuser, and reverses roles to portray themselves as the victim.

E

Enabler
A person who supports or justifies the narcissist’s actions, either to avoid conflict or maintain the relationship. Enablers can be unwitting allies in the abuse cycle.

Ego-Syntonic
Behaviors or traits aligning with one’s self-image. Narcissistic traits are often ego-syntonic, meaning narcissists see their actions as justified, making change unlikely.

Empath
A highly sensitive person who absorbs others’ emotions. Narcissists often target empaths for their deep compassion, exploiting it for control.

F

Flying Monkeys
People manipulated by a narcissist to attack, discredit, or undermine the target. Flying monkeys often believe the narcissist’s side of events, making them unwitting accomplices.

Future Faking
Making promises about a desirable future to keep the victim hopeful and attached, despite no intention of delivering on those promises.

Fragmentation
A tactic where the narcissist shows vastly different behaviors to different people, creating confusion and making it hard for others to understand who they are.

G

Gaslighting
Manipulation that makes the victim doubt their perceptions and memory by denying facts and twisting stories. Gaslighting creates dependency and confusion, making the victim question reality.

Gray Rock Method
A self-protection technique where the victim becomes dull and unresponsive to avoid engaging with the narcissist. This can reduce the narcissist’s interest in pursuing them.

Grandiosity
An inflated sense of self-worth and entitlement, often with fantasies of power and success. Narcissists use this to mask insecurities, portraying themselves as superior.

H

Hoovering
Attempts by the narcissist to “suck back in” a former victim with fake remorse or sudden attention. This tactic re-establishes control when the narcissist feels they’re losing it.

Hypervigilance
A heightened state of awareness developed by those in abusive relationships, used to anticipate the narcissist’s mood shifts and avoid conflict.

I

Idealization
The early phase in a relationship where the narcissist showers the victim with affection, creating an intense bond and setting the stage for future manipulation.

Impression Management
The narcissist’s practice of shaping others’ perceptions to hide their true nature. This can include acting charming or generous to maintain a “false self” image.

L

Love Bombing
Intense displays of affection, gifts, and praise used by narcissists to create quick attachment and make the victim dependent on them.

M

Mirroring
Mimicking another’s traits, values, and interests to build rapport. Narcissists use this tactic to create an illusion of compatibility.

Mutualization
A tactic where the narcissist suggests everyone has flaws, justifying their behavior and discouraging accountability.

P

Projection
Attributing one’s own negative traits to others. Narcissists use this to avoid responsibility, destabilizing their victims in the process.

Pathological Lying
Habitual lying used to manipulate and control. Narcissists lie to exaggerate their accomplishments, distort perceptions, and evade accountability.

Parental Alienation
When a narcissistic parent turns the child against the other parent, often in a custody battle, using lies to damage the child-parent relationship.

R

Reactive Abuse
A tactic where the narcissist provokes the victim until they react emotionally, then uses that reaction to label the victim as abusive.

Rage
An intense, explosive reaction from a narcissist in response to perceived criticism or disrespect, used to intimidate or silence others.

S

Scapegoating
Assigning blame to a particular person to deflect responsibility. Narcissists use scapegoating to externalize guilt and manipulate group dynamics.

Supply
The admiration, attention, and validation narcissists need to maintain self-worth. This can come from various sources, including romantic partners, family, and friends.

Stonewalling
Refusing to communicate or respond. Narcissists use this as a means of punishment, leaving victims feeling frustrated and helpless.

T

Triangulation
Introducing a third party to foster jealousy or insecurity. Triangulation keeps victims off-balance and competing for the narcissist’s attention.

Trauma Bonding
An emotional attachment formed from alternating abuse and kindness, creating a psychological dependency on the abuser.

V

Victim Blaming
A tactic that makes the victim feel responsible for their abuse, which deepens self-doubt and prevents them from holding the narcissist accountable.

Vulnerable Narcissist
A narcissist who appears insecure or needy, using vulnerability as a tool to gain sympathy and manipulate others subtly.

Closing Thoughts

Knowledge is the first step toward healing, and understanding the terms in this glossary can be a powerful tool in your journey. By recognizing the tactics and traits associated with narcissism, you’re no longer just a victim; you’re an informed individual who can spot manipulation, reclaim your sense of self, and take back control.

If you’ve found this glossary helpful, you’re not alone. Thousands of people are waking up to the realities of narcissistic abuse every day, and many are taking steps to protect themselves and heal.

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