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a woman with long hair and a scarf around her neck

Exit Plan: How to Leave a Narcissist When You Have Little or No Money

Leaving a relationship with a narcissist is challenging, but doing so with limited financial resources can feel overwhelming. The process requires careful planning, leveraging available resources, and maintaining emotional strength. This guide will outline practical steps and provide verified resources to help you navigate your way to freedom and safety.

Prepare a Safe Exit Plan

  • Assess Your Safety: Your safety should always come first. If you believe you’re in immediate danger, prioritize getting to a safe space. The National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) offers confidential support and can help you create a tailored safety plan.

  • Identify a Safe Location: Plan where you’ll go once you leave. This could be a trusted friend’s house, a shelter, or a community center. Use resources like womenshelters.org to find local shelters and safe havens.

Gather Essential Documents and Belongings

  • Collect Important Papers: Before leaving, discreetly gather vital documents such as IDs, birth certificates, social security cards, financial records, and any medical information. If you can, scan these documents and save them in a secure, cloud-based folder with password protection.

  • Pack Strategically: Pack a small bag with essentials like clothes, toiletries, medication, and any sentimental items you can manage.

Start Building a Financial Foundation

  • Open a Separate Bank Account: If possible, open a new account that only you have access to. This can be done online through secure banking platforms.

  • Secure Emergency Funds: Start putting away small amounts of cash whenever you can. Consider selling unused items for quick cash using platforms like Facebook Marketplace or eBay.

  • Utilize Community Support: Many nonprofits and community organizations offer financial aid for those in need. For example, Modest Needs provides small emergency grants to individuals in crisis.

Find Employment and Supportive Services

  • Job Assistance Programs: Look for local job centers or career assistance programs that can help you find work quickly. Resources like CareerOneStop, sponsored by the U.S. Department of Labor, can provide guidance.

  • Temporary Financial Assistance: Apply for government assistance programs such as SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) or TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) to cover food and basic living expenses. Visit Benefits.gov for detailed information and eligibility.

Secure Safe Communication Channels

  • Use Encrypted Messaging Apps: To avoid surveillance or monitoring by the narcissist, use secure messaging apps like Signal that offer end-to-end encryption.

  • Create a Separate Email Account: Set up a new email account that is private and used solely for planning your exit. Avoid using shared devices or accounts.

Reach Out for Emotional and Mental Support

  • Counseling and Support Groups: Seek support from mental health professionals who understand trauma and narcissistic abuse. Many offer sliding scale fees or even free sessions. Use Open Path Collective to find affordable therapy.

  • Join Online Communities: Platforms like Reddit or dedicated Facebook groups can provide community support and shared experiences.

Utilize Legal Resources

  • Legal Aid Services: If you need legal assistance but cannot afford it, organizations such as Legal Aid can help you find local resources for free or low-cost legal representation.

  • Restraining Orders: In cases where you fear for your safety, consult local domestic violence organizations about filing a restraining order or protection order. Visit WomensLaw.org for state-specific guidance.

Plan for the Immediate Aftermath

  • Connect with Supportive Networks: Reach out to friends or family who can provide temporary assistance. Be upfront about your situation and the kind of support you need.

  • Secure Emergency Housing: If staying with someone you know is not an option, explore transitional housing options through local domestic violence organizations or the National Coalition for the Homeless.

Know Your Rights

  • Tenant and Housing Rights: If you live with the narcissist and need to break a lease for safety reasons, learn about your rights. Visit HUD.gov for housing assistance programs and tenant rights information.

  • Custody and Parental Rights: If children are involved, seek immediate legal advice to understand custody laws and how to protect your children during this process.

Verified Resources at a Glance:

What to Expect from the Narcissist After You Leave

Leaving a narcissist is not only a physical and logistical challenge but also an emotional one. Narcissists often react in predictable ways when they feel a loss of control. Here’s what you can expect and how to prepare:

Initial Shock and Denial

Narcissists are used to maintaining control. Initially, they may react with shock or disbelief that you have taken the step to leave. This can manifest as:

  • Attempts to Minimize the Situation: Statements like, “You’re overreacting,” or “This isn’t serious.”

  • Dismissive Behavior: Acting as though your departure is not significant to downplay the impact.


Tip: Stay strong. Remind yourself that this is an attempt to regain control and undermine your decision.

Love-Bombing and Manipulation

Narcissists may switch to love-bombing tactics in an attempt to lure you back. This includes:

  • Grand Promises: Promises to change or sudden displays of affection.

  • Guilt-Tripping: Statements like, “You’re tearing this family apart,” or “I can’t live without you.”


Insight: This behavior is not genuine—it is a tactic to draw you back into their sphere of control. Stay grounded in your reasons for leaving.

Anger and Retaliation

If love-bombing fails, the narcissist may shift to anger and retaliation. This can include:

  • Smear Campaigns: Spreading false information to mutual friends, family, or coworkers to tarnish your reputation.

  • Harassment: Repeated calls, texts, or showing up uninvited to create fear or intimidate you.


Fact: A 2020 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that psychological abuse often increases after separation, making it crucial to have strong protective measures in place.

Playing the Victim

To gain sympathy and manipulate those around them, narcissists often play the victim. You may hear:

  • Self-Pitying Statements: “I did everything for them, and this is how they repay me.”

  • Recruiting Flying Monkeys: They may use mutual acquaintances to pressure you into returning or questioning your actions.


Trivia: The term “flying monkeys” comes from The Wizard of Oz and refers to people who assist narcissists in maintaining control by acting on their behalf, often unknowingly.

Legal and Financial Challenges

Narcissists may use legal and financial tactics to maintain power, such as:

  • Contesting Custody: Using children as leverage to draw you back into their sphere.

  • Withholding Financial Support: Delaying or refusing financial obligations to create stress.


Tip: Document everything and seek legal advice. Resources like WomensLaw.org and Legal Aid can be invaluable for navigating these challenges.

How to Stay Empowered During This Phase

  • Lean on Your Support System: Stay connected with supportive friends, family, and communities.

  • Keep Records: Maintain detailed records of any interactions that may be needed for legal purposes.

  • Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being to maintain the emotional strength needed to face these challenges.

Insight: Your strength and resolve are your greatest tools. The path may be difficult, but every day you stay away is a victory. You are not defined by their attempts to undermine you; you are defined by your courage to choose freedom.

With the right preparation, resources, and support, you can leave a narcissist, even when finances are tight. Equip yourself with the knowledge and tools provided in this guide to reclaim your life and build a future that is truly your own. You deserve peace, safety, and empowerment.

Free Resources: Explore our free resources designed to empower you on your journey of healing.

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